Do you know someone who always seems to be angry with you? How do you deal with it?
I’ve blogged about my rocky relationship with this person before. She’s the one who never apologises for anything. She can be so nice to my face, yet cutting by email and downright derogatory behind my back. I’m afraid I’ve got to the stage where I expect nothing less than unpleasantness.
We’ve recently had an email exchange. Something she suggested has had to be changed, and I made a plan for how it could be done differently. I apologised that this change had to be made. I forgot to put shield up when I read her reply. It was unnecessarily terse.
On this occasion I was, actually, at fault. If you know me personally, or have got to know me through my blogs, you may realise that I am someone who loves harmony. I’d rather apologise for something that wasn’t my fault to mend a rift than win an argument. And if friends have fallen out, I’ll try to help them resolve things. I hate anger and tension
My fault this time
If I’m honest, on this occasion my course of actions could possibly have been better. The need for the change was as a result of ineptitude on my part. You know, I can’t get it right all the time! And with some people it feels like I can’t get it right any of the time.
When I rang this evening she was her poisonous self. If she had given even just a little, I’d have apologised again. But she didn’t. As usual, I’m the bad guy. I was annoyingly cheerful in our conversation. I dread to think how many people she has reported this to by now.
As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I do feel a bit guilty. Actually, I feel guilty about not geelung guilty. I’d like to think I’ve brushed it aside and moved on. But if I’m writing this post, it must be preying on my mind.
I just don’t feel like I need to try to make amends any more. It’s like when you have a teacher who shouts all the time – the children stop listening. I’ve been trying really hard not to shout at my two. It’s not always an easy thing, particularly when the pre-teen. drama queen wants nothing more than a reaction out of me. Anyway, I was doing so well the other week, but something snapped. There was a small misdemeanor but my son was blasted with both barrels. Not my finest moment.
It did make me realise that if we are unpleasant, or shouty, or too nice, all the time, people don’t listen. They may not realise when we really mean what we say. My son’s teacher told him that “shouting in a whisper” doesn’t make sense. If she had been standing on the drive refusing to get on her bike at 8.22 am, she would have experienced the sinister whisper that I save for very serious occasions. Sometimes I find being quietly angry is most effective.
So, I may feel a little guilty for my part in this situation. Because of the way I’ve been treated in the past, I’m not going to bend over backwards to make amends. I just don’t care enough any more. In fact, it’s quite nice for her to be justifiably angry with me for a change!
Has anyone made you feel like it’s not worth you bothering any more?
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