I’m sure it can’t have escaped your notice that it’s Mother’s Day this weekend.  Even if you are not a mother yourself, you will have had a mother.  The media would have us believe that it is all flowers and chocolates, or sometimes something expensive.

When my daughter was a baby, I was at a group with another friend.  It was in a rather more salubrious area than the one we lived in, and the new mums there certainly had higher expectations of the gifts they wished to receive than we did.  “As it’s my first Mother’s Day, my Mum is going to have her overnight so I can relax.  I’ve seen this diamond ring, and I think it would mark this occasion really well.”  My friend and I looked at each other.  Clearly nothing like that would be happening in our houses!

Diamond rings???

And actually, that is not how I would want to spend Mother’s Day.  For me, the point was being with What do you wish for?my family.  Each to their own, but I wanted to enjoy my daughter and spend time with her and my husband.  I appreciate this is not everyone’s idea of a good day, but it was mine.

Mother’s Day is not always a day of fun and laughter.  I’ve posted before about friends who have lost parents in the last year or so.  Mother’s Day can bring it all of the memories flooding back.  This can be a blessing, but it can also be so hard if you are missing your Mum.

Not always a happy day

And there are those who would have liked to have had children, but for whatever reason, have been unable.  Mother’s Day can be truly painful for them – a slap in the face somehow.  I know childless What do you wish for?women who avoid going to church that day because often the focus seems to be honouring those who have had children to take care of.  This feels like a real shame to me.

Not everyone has fond memories of their own mothers.  We may not have had the best relationships in our families, and the perfect image of mother and child does not always fit with our experience.  We may have wished that we were able to be closer, or that our mothers understood us better.

Mothering qualities

I don’t believe you have to be a mum to have the qualities associated with them.  We all have people in our lives that care for us in a special way.  If we don’t have our own mother, we may have an aunt or grandmother that loves us or nurtures us.  Fathers seem to do a pretty good job, too.  People such as doctors and nurses, teachers, carers, neighbours, friends, and so on, and so on.  They can show love for us, even if they are not our mothers.

So on this Mother’s Day, I hope we can think of those around us who are not having such a special What do you wish for?time.  We can remember those other than our mother who care for us.  And, in return, we can show our love back.

I might be indicating that spending time with people can be more satisfying than receiving presents.  There was that one year when my children were 1 and 3 and by bedtime no card or flowers had been seen.  I questioned my husband on this, and he said he didn’t want to just get you me present and card without involving the kids as I was their mum and not his.  But for various reasons there had been no chance to sort this out with them in time.  Believe me, that hasn’t happened again.  Now, who would like to pass me the chocolates?

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Read about how Martin Lewis lost his mum at the age of 12, and how it changed his life

17 comments

  1. Mother’s day is an interesting one. Some people find it to be another day about consumerism. I personally like to spend the day having a nice dinner with my mum. With that being said I do think of my friends who have lost their mums or friends who have been trying to have kids and aren’t able to do so.

    1. We are having lunch with my mother-in-law today as I’m working most of tomorrow. I lost my Mum a long time ago so it’s not always a great day for me.

  2. Mother’s Day like more celebrations of late have become too over commercialised and losing the true meaning. Whenever I can I spend time with my parents and then treat my mum to something she wants. Its a day that can certainly be hard for other people as well

    1. I was touched to find that my mother had kept all of our homemade cards. I don’t remember it being this commercialised as a child.

  3. I agree that Mother’s Day can be so difficult for some, both my partner and best friend lost their mums at a young age so miss them but do celebrate with their step mums and foster mums. I just wish for a day of peace and quiet- of course, with kids this never happens!

    1. I also lost my Mum when I was quite young. I struggled with Mother’s Day for a long time, but it is easier now I have my own children. But yes, wouldn’t peace and quiet, just for an hour, be bliss?

  4. Mother’s day isn’t such a great day for me given I don’t have a very good relationship with my mother. I’ve also had miscarriages which are particularly painful on this day.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like Mother’s Day is a challenging one for you. With all of the media hype I don’t think this is always recognised.

  5. Mother’s Day is a difficult one, it’s a happy day for some, a not so happy day for others. This post is very moving, thanks for sharing x

    1. I know! She seemed to think she had earned the time off. Well, I guess I have no idea what else was going on in her life…

  6. I remember how when I was little Mother’s Day used to be so important, we would prepare for weeks in school before it and create some sort of hand made craft for our mothers. But as growing up, I guess Mother’s Day became just an ordinary day.

  7. Wow… this post truly resonated with me. There’s that shaming that comes with it when you don’t have kids. However, i ask, does anyone ever ask what my defination of sucess is as it does not always mean the same as others. Great post

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