Revenge is one of those things that most people have considered at some point. I don’t think there are many people out there who haven’t wanted to get their own back on someone who deliberately hurt them, or acted without any concern for how their behaviour would impact on someone else.
Planning revenge can feel sweet. I’m one of those people that can’t find the right words when I need them, but I am full of them afterwards. I had a situation recently where I was given a dressing down by someone who should have known better. I was there in a voluntary capacity, and the person I had been working with made some hurtful, personal comments.
The right words?
Even if I had had the right words at the time, I felt that I could not justify myself because a door was slightly open between the room we were in and the next, and I didn’t know who might overhear.
I have run that conversation over and over in my head, and I have valid points I could have made to each of the insults that were sent my way. I have also saved up a few choice responses that I could come out with if I was in that situation again.
But is that really helpful? How would it improve relationships? I sometimes think that it would make me feel better because I could wound the person who has hurt me. However, I’m not sure it works like that.
When we spend time planning our smart comments to throw back at people, we dwell on the negative. We allow the unpleasantness that occurred to consume us. It actually changes something within us. We become more and more like that person who wants to hurt someone. Even if we don’t act on our feelings, the fact that we allow them to take over our thinking allows the feelings to bury themselves deep inside.
I’m not suggesting that we should automatically forgive everyone who deliberately hurts us, but more that we can forgive ourselves for how things were at that time. We might not have had the best retort to hurl back, and we might feel that we let someone walk all over us. But letting go of the feeling that we could have behaved differently can be a first step towards inner healing.
There have been other times I remember when I feel I haven’t had a chance to have my say. I was also hurt pretty badly when I was in my 20s by a boyfriend who cheated on me. Even though we are many years on, I would love for him to know that I’m happily married with two lovely (most of the time) children. I did a Facebook-check him (only for the purposes of this blog, you understand) and discovered he is now single. Ha.
The Sweetest Revenge
I feel the best revenge is showing the other person that you are happy with who you are. Not thinking about whether they know we are happy, but actually allowing ourselves to be happy. Moving on from them, and living a contented life, can be the sweetest revenge.
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